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Submitted on
January 9, 2013


4,585 (1 today)
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Back whenever I started hitting the front page of DeviantArt, abit after I'd turned fourteen I admit that my ego popped up a notch. And not just one, mind you. No I was both surprised and in awe that some kid like me could end up taking up space in a place where only masterpieces and loved pieces were seen. And honestly, it stuck out like a sore thumb because seriously, My art isn't that good. I was blindfolded by pride in belief that I could actually go somewhere with what I had. But after awhile, pressure began to set in and I felt that more was expected of me and I couldn't meet those expectations. I'd never been exposed to constructive or negative criticism before that point; so I admit full heartedly that I acted out of line and childishly. Which led to people being angry and hurt by my stupidity, and I am sorry. It should have never happened, and I promise that it won't ever again.

So as time pressed on, I began to get desperate, searching out other artists to look up to and learn to be like in hopes of someday achieving something of my own that I could be proud of and happy with. Jealousy is ugly. That aspiration gradually turned into envy and instead of trying to learn from them, I ended up practically duplicating their styles and it was quickly spiraling out of hand like fire to pine needles. I won't lie, it was stupid, I am stupid, and nobody deserved to have what I inflicted on them. I'm sorry. I understand how you're dissapointed, angry, and probably flaming me while I'm writing this; I'm dissapointed too. I deserve it. It'd been kept so close and compact in my conscience, a secret that I wanted to just throw out and forget. But I was so afraid, and overall extremely ashamed of myself for being so clueless and naive. Sure, I cried once I managed to even vocalize to a close friend of what I had done and spilled everything over the phone, I felt like crying when I first saw that this had finally come to light from someone else's mouth; hell I even threw up cereal from the thought of it during school. Which was gross, but is beside the point.

I've made so many mistakes over my three years here on deviantart, some worse than others; we all make mistakes. It's what makes us human, but the least of what comes from them other than negativity is that through it; we can learn. I know that it hasn't been very long, and that people will probably never understand, will never forgive me. But know that I apologize and hope for us to go our separate ways just fine, I cannot force a person to like me or to change their mind about me. It's okay, I understand. But I want you all to know just how sorry I am for all of this. I'm sorry if I've ever done anything to hurt your feelings or make you feel belittled in any way. I'm sorry for what I've done, what I've even led myself to believe, and for being a disappointment to you. I want nothing else to do with my past errors and idiotic choices; to be allowed to keep on growing and learning to be the best person that I can be and to become the artist that I want to be at my own pace. To stop hiding behind other people's ideas and talent or using them as stepping stools in hopes of learning. Because that's just not how it works.

I don't think that I'll be leaving deviantart, but this account is still in questioning on my part.
I've only always had this account since the very first time I'd learned of the site's existence-
and I think that maybe it could be time for a fresh start.
But if I do, feel free to follow me if you're on the lookout for tracing.
But keep in mind that you'll only be wasting your time because that's not ever happening again.
It's a new year, and I'm letting all that guilt slip off my shoulders once and for all.

The respected artists will be credited below.


-sincerely, Kyle:heart:

Edit: Wow, thankyou all for being so civil in response to this and I am so relieved that you all are sticking with me through the thick and thin.
It seriously drove me to tears and I can't thank you enough for believing in me. ;; :heart:
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Pajuxi Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
i just-
the comments from both sides are absolutely ridiculous, personally im not on your side at all here and think what you did was horrible in thousands of ways, but jeez guys calm down LOL

anywho i swear this comment isn't completely pointless LOL i just wanted to know: so i heard you did a commission that was traced, did you ever pay the person back for that? sorry if i missed that info in your journal or whatevs, im just curious, not in a FANCY UR A DICK way or anything, i just wanna know
IcyFlamez Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
I can't fault you for feeling like that. I had found you a while back from someone who had copied your work off of a facebook page. I was going through some Black Butler pages, and then I found the artwork under its likes on a separate page. (I doubt you even want to read this, so sorry. I honestly don't care if you skip it.) Anyways, I seen that it was a fake and I searched up 'FancyTramp' under DA, finding you. I was under my old account at that time, but unfortunately, I thought someone had hacked me, so I change my password and forgot. But honestly, I have always checked your work under this account, because I'm fascinated by how good it is, even though you feel as though you copied, unless I totally misunderstood what you were saying. (ADD, remind you ;-;) But anyways, I am terribly sorry for wasting you time if you read this.
ScarletteLetas Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student General Artist
Honestly- I couldn't care less. Kyle, you're awesome and I've caught your livestreams and tbh- you're epic so. People can dealwithit :)
Zaziss Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student General Artist
I think you have a free mind, a good feeling and an art style which can improve, if you'll fixed you on a right art-way. I don't watch you since a very long time, but you looks like your characters and your art, you are really attaching and we wait your progress.
It was a really hard effort for me to read ( to answer and to understand too xD) every thing you wrote because i'm not english speaker, but whatever is what you intended, good luck, honestly. ;D
Wolfief Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
aww Kyle I still love you...;c
Scriddles Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Kyle... I'm kinda disappointed, learning that you traced and all... but, I'm glad that you learned from you mistakes and credited those whom you traced from, and that's what counts. You realized your mistake and apologized, and for that I commend you. Now then, I'm going to go watch your new account. c:
KillerConfettiLick Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Digital Artist
We all make mistakes and we all live and learn.
And as long as the mistakes are behind us we all deserve another chance- you're a GREAT artist, you really are.. keep at it ;u;

I've been a bit absent on dA so I didn't notice this until someone ELSE I just met pointed it out to me- but it doesn't make me think any differently because I know how cool you really are.
You inspired me the day I met you- and I think that was.. quite some time ago. I'm pretty sure.
Time we spent talking over msn definitely feels like the distant past...

Either way don't think you can get rid of me that easy ;)
capta1np1ckles Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
...well, this pretty much just ruined my whole life.
i will never look up to another artist on deviantart again. ever.
whitezombii Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student General Artist
I will confess: sometimes I look at your art for inspiration ;v; I absolutely adore your style, shading, themes, ideas, sdjfhaslkdjfEVERYTHING.

kyle ilu bb ok
ChisaiCho Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I stumbled upon your page for the first time today through friends of mine, I'd never seen any of your artworks before and I know little to nothing about you.. I just wanted to say that you have gained a mountain of respect from me. I'm not sure if that means anything to you but I hope it does. I'd almost stopped believing that popular artists who are revealed to have traced / copied / stolen artwork before could react in a civil and sincerely apoliogetic manner. I can understand why you did what you did, even though it was wrong. But you obviously understand that aready.. let me just say wow, I'm really happy with how you handled the whole situation and I admire you for being able to admit to your mistakes and not hiding them or playing the victim card like so many others seem to do.
I hope you read this, I really do, and that it makes you feel a little better!
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