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Devious Journal Entry
I really cannot comprehend how many of you still actively comment on this account, like it is genuinely blowing my mind.
The only reason that this account is still made available and not deactivated is because Deviantart refuses to actually deactivate it. So-- You know that I moved about four years ago to ScaredPrince (https://www.deviantart.com/scaredprince) right?
OI, THIS ACCOUNT IS NOT BEING USED
Okay so seriously, I'm only online it at the current moment so I could delete a message since someone came very close to digging up old shit which is absolutely irrelevant and I'm currently and never going to be in the mood to sorting shit like that out because some people can't seem to notice the dates on things. But anyways, This account is not being used, and has not been active since like late January of 2013 yeah?
So to all those who somehow found this account during that time and commented so much, I've moved to ~ScaredPrince (https://www.deviantart.com/scaredprince) and upload frequently there. Sorry for the bit of a sour journal, but it really bothers me when I find p
LAST LIVESTREAM
https://www.livestream.com/fancytramp
note: By "last LS" I mean that I am switching over accounts and want to make a picture to inform those who don't watch my journals because not everybody does. And no I don't plan to deactivate this account just yet until I can get the other one going and premium'd ect -- because coding was hard and time consuming and I love my coding. -- also so that I won't lose any rarely active friends and stuff. 8U so yeah, calm thine tits.
Please read.
Back whenever I started hitting the front page of DeviantArt, abit after I'd turned fourteen I admit that my ego popped up a notch. And not just one, mind you. No I was both surprised and in awe that some kid like me could end up taking up space in a place where only masterpieces and loved pieces were seen. And honestly, it stuck out like a sore thumb because seriously, My art isn't that good. I was blindfolded by pride in belief that I could actually go somewhere with what I had. But after awhile, pressure began to set in and I felt that more was expected of me and I couldn't meet those expectations. I'd never been exposed to constructive or
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Comments37
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I'm so sorry to read this.
Kyle, you are so important and worthy of recognition. I know it's hard to feel self worth at times, I dealt with horrible depression all through high school. I had some awful things happening both at home and school and I found it really hard to love myself the way I should have. It's hard to see 'normal' people and be on the outside, I know all too well. I've spent a lot of time on the outside looking in before I finally came to a few conclusions. It's not that anyone doesn't want to talk to you, or approach you, or make eye contact. It's not you, I promise you. It's that people, as a whole, are innately self-absorbed. They aren't approaching you because they're too busy worrying about how they seem, or how they look, or what other people are thinking about them. People like attention, and sometimes you have to make the first move. It seems so hard, and at first it is. I have a really high fight or flight response, so when I'm in a new social situation I am usually amped on adrenaline. My palms sweat, my heart races, and my eyes get shifty. It's taken me a lot of time and effort to get through that, and to learn how to control myself. It still happens sometimes but I can work through it without too much of a problem now.
If you want to be a little more social, I think you should attempt to outreach. Maybe approach someone who piques your interest and compliment (or ask) something about them. Their hair, outfit, anything. Ask them a question about it (where did you get that? Who/where cut your hair?) and then attempt to relate, tell them something about you. And smile. People like smiling. That's my best advice, and usually it's a pattern that works fairly well for me.
Maybe I'm just saying things you already know, but I want you to know that you're not a failure. I don't have to know you IRL to know that. You're a good person from what I've seen, and that alone screams success. I'm here if you need me.
♥♥♥
Kyle, you are so important and worthy of recognition. I know it's hard to feel self worth at times, I dealt with horrible depression all through high school. I had some awful things happening both at home and school and I found it really hard to love myself the way I should have. It's hard to see 'normal' people and be on the outside, I know all too well. I've spent a lot of time on the outside looking in before I finally came to a few conclusions. It's not that anyone doesn't want to talk to you, or approach you, or make eye contact. It's not you, I promise you. It's that people, as a whole, are innately self-absorbed. They aren't approaching you because they're too busy worrying about how they seem, or how they look, or what other people are thinking about them. People like attention, and sometimes you have to make the first move. It seems so hard, and at first it is. I have a really high fight or flight response, so when I'm in a new social situation I am usually amped on adrenaline. My palms sweat, my heart races, and my eyes get shifty. It's taken me a lot of time and effort to get through that, and to learn how to control myself. It still happens sometimes but I can work through it without too much of a problem now.
If you want to be a little more social, I think you should attempt to outreach. Maybe approach someone who piques your interest and compliment (or ask) something about them. Their hair, outfit, anything. Ask them a question about it (where did you get that? Who/where cut your hair?) and then attempt to relate, tell them something about you. And smile. People like smiling. That's my best advice, and usually it's a pattern that works fairly well for me.
Maybe I'm just saying things you already know, but I want you to know that you're not a failure. I don't have to know you IRL to know that. You're a good person from what I've seen, and that alone screams success. I'm here if you need me.
♥♥♥